About a year ago, the door-stopper in my daughters' room quit. He packed his bags, unscrewed himself from the wall, and walked away. About a week later, the kids were playing in their room and the adjoining hallway, the door was pushed too hard, and a small dent, cracked all the way around, formed in the wall. The drywall didn't fall out, but it was broken and pushed in, waiting for an excuse to drop into the space between the walls and leave a gaping hole. Since that time, we've been hearing noises coming from behind the "dent." At first we thought it was just normal home noises (water in the pipes, creaking wood, etc - the house is 90+ years old, so it would make sense). Then we thought it might be rats, but we don't have rodent problems, nor have we ever. Next, I believed that it might be the people of Gallifrey, trapped in their alternate universe, but my sonic did nothing to stop the noises. Then, without warning, as I was tucking my kids into their beds one night and ensuring them that they were perfectly safe in their rooms, a demon burst forth through the crack in the wall and began to run at me! I immediately grabbed my Sword of 1000 Truths and swung as hard as I could. The demon's head dropped to the floor and rolled right to my feet. I pulled the kids out of bed and sent them to go sleep in my room while I protected theirs from any other demons or monsters that would tempt fate by coming up against me. I got my Mace (the battle mace, not the pepper spray), and an axe, and prepared for battle. Before the next hell-spawn could could forth and challenge me, though, I quickly jumped online and ordered the Prime-Line Products U-9271 5-Inch Smooth, Self-Adhesive Wall Protector to help me in my battle. As far as shields go, I've heard that it was the second best I could hope for, second only to Captain America's. Thankfully, I have Amazon Prime, so Amazon would be sending out my back up with the 2 day shipping promise. Over the next couple of days, a slew of vile beasts and vermin creeped, crawled, oozed, and thrust through the cracked wall. All I could do was pray that the dent wouldn't fall into the wall, thus opening the crack wider and allowing more than one or two of these horrible creatures through the wall at a time. The walls themselves bled, and the windows wept as the vortex continued to attempt to strengthen. The multitude of colors of demon blood covered the floor like a Jackson Pollack painting. Two days and nights of battle were beginning to wear on me. The bites I had received when I wasn't quite fast enough were beginning to swell, and it was extremely difficult to stem the bleeding from some of the scratches on my arms and legs. I was beginning to tire, but was unwilling to rest until I knew that I had my back-up in place. All of a sudden, I heard a sound more guttural, more hair-raising, and more terrifying than any I know could exist on Earth or even in the pits of Hell. I knew that eventually, since the creatures had been getting bigger and bigger, there would be a final battle, the likes of which this world, and probably the ones before it, had never seen, nor would it ever be seen again. I knew that the biggest and baddest SOB was preparing to breach the vortex and enter our world. Just then, my doorbell rang. I thrust my sword through the crack in the wall and, upon hearing the screams of pain that roared back at me and knowing that I had bought myself a few minutes of time, ran down the stair, wrenched open the front door, removed the packaging from my Amazon Box (expertly packaged and secured by the wonderful folks at the Amazon warehouse), and grabbed one of the Wall Protectors from the box. I bounded back to my kids' room, tore the adhesive backing off of the Wall Protector, and, after careful measurement to ensure it would stop the doorknob from hitting the wall, pressed the Prime-Line Self-Adhesive Wall Protector over the crack in the wall. I heard another ungodly roar, and then a sound like a loud crashing that faded like it was happening in a sound-proof room whose door was quickly closing. The silence that ensued was almost deafening. It was over. The battle for the safety of the world, the battle for the future of humanity itself, had ended. There was nothing left to do but take the trash from the Wall Protector Self-Adhesive backing and the packaging it came in, and throw them away. The mopping up of the demon blood and pile of monster bodies could wait for another day. At that exact moment in time, all I wanted to do was show my daughters that their rooms was, once again, safe for them to be in; kiss my wife; and take a nap. After completing the first two of my three tasks, there was a knock at my door. It was the FBI, asking to speak with me. Apparently, there was another case of these monsters getting loose, but, in their case, they couldn't handle the monsters on their own. I grabbed one of the other 5-Inch Prime-Line Self-Adhesive Wall Protectors I had gotten for the other rooms in the house (to avoid an issue like this again in the future), tossed it to the agents, and told them that they could always get on Amazon and order these at any time - and to spend the few extra bucks on Amazon Prime: "You never know when it might save the world," I said. 10/10 - Would definitely recommend these products to others.
